Marni has graciously done what my husband didn't... except I've been too heartbroken at the departure of My Babydoll Selma, to do much writing... but I'm back now...
If you could have any one — and only one — bike in the world, what would it be?
Blue. It would be a blue bike.
The only bike parts I've ever had that were bought specifically for me and only me, were a pair of disc brakes, and I think the handle bars, for my TIv4 bike. Everything else (frames included) I've ever used have just been lying around. Next, I think I'll buy a bike jersey, I think that will be number three.
Do you already have that coveted dream bike? If so, is it everything you hoped it would be? If not, are you working toward getting it? If you’re not working toward getting it, why not?
My current bikes are Matte Spray Paint Primer Grey with Sparkly Red showing through a few rubbed off places, and Pewter Purple - so no, no blue. Though the tires on M'Lady have a streak of light blue, that's close.
I'm not working toward getting a blue bike, because I don't have the energy to buy the can of spray paint and go to town... I'm not sure what that says about myself.
If you had to choose one — and only one — bike route to do every day for the rest of your life, what would it be, and why?
To the grocery store and back. It's approximately three miles right now, don't think it would ever be too much farther than that, where ever we might ever live. Plus, there's an extra special prize at the end of the route, which I may or may not be divulging later.
Although - if I had to pick one other, it would be the Pa'rus Trail and Canyon View Road in Zion National Park.
What kind of sick person would force another person to ride one and only one bike ride for the rest of her / his life?
The Gods... via Mercury and Hades... they did their work with Sisyphus and now they've come after the Mountain Bikers... think hard - what did you do to The Gods to deserve this???
Something, I tell you, something.
Do you ride both road and mountain bikes? If both, which do you prefer and why? If only one or the other, why are you so narrow minded?
I ride M'Lady and PomPom - M'Lady has skinny tires and goes ZoomZoom (like a Mazda), PomPom has fat tires and goes Swish. I ride M'Lady on clean roads and PomPom on dirty roads. I'm not familiar with this mountain you speak of.
Have you ever ridden a recumbent? If so, why? If not, describe the circumstances under which you would ride a recumbent.
No. If there was nothing else that rolled in sight.
Have you ever raced a triathlon? If so, have you also ever tried strangling yourself with dental floss?
No. When I swim it involves a nose plug, and when I run I always worry about breaking my heels.
Suppose you were forced to either give up ice cream or bicycles for the rest of your life. Which would you give up, and why?
About half an hour ago - I rode my bike to the grocery store solely to buy ice cream. I spent about six minutes in the ice cream isle deciding exactly which one I might like most tonight.
Screw pie, and cake, and cookies, and petits fours. Screw chocolate, and hard candies, and taffy, and everything made by Little Debbie! I want ice cream... I'd take up with a tricycle or a unicycle, or maybe even running (I've heard there are shoes out there that are flat, like, flat, with no stiletto... so I could try that) if I had to - before I gave up ice cream. If I craved two wheels I'd buy a Vespa and cruise around town getting seventy miles a gallon, with a pint of Ben and Jerry's in one hand and a spoon in the other (talk about driving under the influence).
What is a question you think this questionnaire should have asked, but has not? Also, answer it.
Doesn't it not matter so much what bike you ride, as much as where you ride it, and doesn't it not matter so much where you ride, as much as who you ride with, and doesn't it not matter so much who you ride with, as much as that you ride? If no, have you you tried strangling yourself with your chain?
Yes, Yes, Yes - No. (Though technically I didn't need to answer the fourth question, I did so, to set an example).
You’re riding your bike in the wilderness (if you’re a roadie, you’re on a road, but otherwise the surroundings are quite wilderness-like) and you see a bear. The bear sees you. What do you do?
Pull out your flare gun. Then evaluate the situation.
If the bear sees you - one of three things is going on.
1) You Surprised the Bear
2) You got too close to it's Food or Cubs
3) It's a predatory bear and thinks you look like a tasty bear snack (aka: you look like Chris)
If the third instance is the case, it will look really creepy and sneaky and start, really slowly and smarmily, getting closer to you. SHOOT IT WITH THE FLARE GUN. (While this is what happened to Timothy Treadwell, he was in a tent, the likelihood that this will happen when you're on your bike, is less likely, as hopefully you are going faster on your bike, than a bear can stalk you. If your speed on a bike is slow enough for a bear to stalk you as prey, you might want to consider a different hobby).
Second situation looks bad. The bear will want to chase you away, or neutralize you as a threat to it's valuables. It might false charge (aka: RUN RIGHT AT YOU) - but you should wait to see if it actually stops before it gets to you. In this case, talk in a strong but soothing voice, to the bear, and slowly do anything necessary to move yourself AWAY FROM THE BEAR. Do not turn your back to the Killer Beasty!!! DO NOT RUN!!! Walk away with your face to the bear at all times. If it charges and doesn't stop approx. 5 feet away - SHOOT IT WITH THE FLARE GUN! Hopefully you just back away and it growls and then feels safe again once you're farther off.
First case. Wait a moment. See if the bear is scared of you and runs away (in which instance, pull out your camera and take a photo of his fluffy little butt). This would be a good thing. If it doesn't - talk soothingly, but strongly and try to move yourself away, facing the bear. Try not to trip on anything behind you while you walk backwards. Try not to make the bear feel threatened or generally inadequate. Again - if he charges and doesn't stop - SHOOT IT WITH THE FLARE GUN!
(A note on shooting a bear with a flare gun: Don't actually shoot the bear. That will probably piss it off. Shoot in front of the bear. We're pulling a page from the Shock and Awe school of warfare - and the point is to surprise the bear with noise and light right in front of it's face, so it realizes it's more afraid of you than you are of it. If everything goes right, it will freak out and run away. If it does not appear to be freaking out and running away - RELOAD. And pull out your Bear Mace. Fire the flare gun one more time, and then all bets are off when you're in close enough range for the Bear Mace. Aim for the eyes. Protect your head.)
I would like to note that this answer is serious, though the tone employs jest. I'm really freakin' afraid of bears, and while the likelihood that I'll ever be in a position that one attacks me is slight, and people should be cool and calm and collected around bears, and not freak out - they're freakin' super dangerous (primarily because they are smart and will all react slightly differently to the same situation, so you just never know what they'll do) - and I don't want anyone to think that while the tone is in jest, I don't take seriously the risk, as we've all become really aware of with the incredibly horrific attack on a young mountain biker in Alaska during a recent race. I feel like mountain bikers think they're safe because of how fast they move - but we all realize now, they're not. My thoughts are entirely with that young lady.
Now, tag three biking bloggers. List them below.
Eddy.
Evan.
Lynda.
I'm sorry.
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