The 20% List.

The following is a list of things that, if you do them, you pretty much need to tip 20%, if not a bit more.* Most servers are more than happy to humor you, but they don't expect to do it for 15%.

*Unless your server is rude - if your server is rude, 8-10% is always appropriate. Less then that and she's essentially paying taxes on a tip you never gave her - meaning she just paid the IRS for the privilege of serving you... doesn't sound like fun does it???



The 20% List

-> Allowing your child to smash Cheerios into every square inch of floor space beneath your table.

-> Asking absolutely ANY question about your server's personal life, or life history.

-> Telling your server she must be an actress, then insisting she's not Shakespeare Material, but continuing to refer to her as Cleopatra, without somehow realizing that Shakespeare wrote a Cleopatra.

-> Telling your server she reminds you of your best friend's, child's, teacher's, husband's, chiropractor's, third cousin twice removed, that you don't necessarily remember meeting, but isn't it just uncanny.

-> Asking for a specific server's section, by name.

-> Leaving your business card. (Like I'm going to pay a standard % to a Realtor who won't pay one to me).

-> Making your server an outside business offer. (You think I'm going to work for you, if this is what you consider appropriate compensation???)

-> Hand writing a Thank You note on your receipt. (A 20% tip is an adequate Thank You, I can't cash your note at the bank for that extra 5% you should have left).

-> Asking your server not to mention when you come in with your wife, that you were at the restaurant that night (with a different woman).

-> Leaving a whole stack of pens that advertise your business, but taking the one your server gave you to sign your credit card slip with.

-> Asking your server to recount the money you left to pay your bill because you're too drunk to do it yourself.

-> Continuing to sit in a restaurant, after every other customer has left, and you've already finished your meal, paid, and determined a new law of quantum physics via repeatedly refolding your copy of the credit card slip.

-> Sending your server to the kitchen to find out whether or not the oil used in each and every available salad dressing is hydrogenated, or not. Then commenting on how you'll have to tell you friend that, oh and can you have the fried potato chips with your sandwich.

-> Giving your server your single son's phone number.

-> Expressing your political views before looking up at your server expectantly. (If it shouldn't be discussed in polite conversation, your server deserves 20% to discuss it with you).

-> Leaving your server a religious pamphlet. (10% will not convert me you cheap piles of... sorry... they're always the worst tippers... those people with the little religious comic books!!!)

-> I should really stop this...